Who are you? What story do you tell about yourself?
Unfortunately, throughout history, the story of women has often been one of limitations. Even in an era where a woman could run for president, there are still gender limitations found throughout the United States in the minds of its citizens. Research shows, for example, that while there has been a shift in household duties, in the majority of households, women are still the primary caregivers. In fact, studies looking at income gender inequality have revealed that companies often make demands of employees that those with caregiver responsibilities simply cannot fulfill, thus those people are left out of the higher earning positions.
The good news is that women throughout history, even when faced with truly insurmountable odds, have broken free and gone on to excel and you can do it as well. These women did it by telling a new story. They consciously decided that what society was telling them, even what their families and friends were telling them, was not going to bring them the lives they wanted.
The truth is that limitations always come down to mindset. If we can open our minds and embrace creativity and the ambiguous question of “What if?” we can move mountains. Are you ready?
Here’s 7 ways to break away from limitations of any kind and live the life of your dreams:
- Clarify your vision and tell a story that supports it. You need to have clarity regarding what you want before you can address the limitations preventing you having it. This may seem obvious, but I’ve encountered many people over the years who say they feel limited, but when I’ve asked what they want out of life, they stumble. So, go ahead and ask yourself, “What do I want out of life?” Women are often hesitant to ask this question because it seems selfish and does not fit the caregiver mold, but it’s time to break molds and we’re starting with that one! Once you have a vision to pursue, tell a story that supports it.
- Ask “What if” as often as possible and stop at nothing to answer it. Sometimes we get caught up in what’s here and now and thus lose sight of what’s not here, but yet possible. Don’t be afraid to ask this question and pursue the possibilities that open up to you. I heard of an excellent example of this that involved a woman with a medical condition who needed to eat often. This was prior to cookie stores such as Mrs. Fields, being in malls, so she carried snacks with her. One day she asked the “What if” question about selling cookies in the mall. Unfortunately, her relatives belittled the idea of her running a business and of it even being profitable to sell cookies in the mall. Years later when Mrs. Fields began popping up, she realized that she had asked the right question, but had failed to follow through. She had allowed limitations to squelch the question.
- Be honest about your fears. It’s okay that you have fears. Trying to pretend that you don’t will ultimately allow them to lurk in the background and continue to stop you from making progress. However, while you do need to be honest about them, you don’t want to allow them to thrive. Make a list of your fears and then next to each item, list a proactive step you can take. For example, if you’re afraid of the business side of your idea, take a class, read a book, or talk to an expert. For every fear there is a proactive step you can take to make it disappear.
- Accept no excuses. Too busy? Not enough money? Not smart enough? What excuses have you allowed yourself to make? Make a list of them and then make a decision that they won’t be accepted. This will force you to take other actions. For example, if you’re not going to allow yourself to say you’re too busy, that means you’ll have to make a change in your schedule. Delegate responsibilities and keep going. I heard about a woman who wanted to write a novel, but she worked fulltime, had three children, and volunteered at her church. Finally, she decided to give up some volunteer duties and to write for just 20 minutes three times a week. People laughed at her, saying she’d never finish the novel, but the schedule worked for her and she was persistent. Guess what? She finished the novel, sold it to a publisher, and with the money she made was able to work part-time and begin her second novel. (I hear that she is currently completing her fourth.)
- Turn weaknesses into strengths. We all have weaknesses, so don’t let that limit you in any way. Instead, take note of them and then begin a plan for making them strengths. For example, if you struggle with math, get a math tutor. If you feel you aren’t a good business writer, take a class or hire someone.
- Let go of the need for approval. This is probably one of the biggest sources of limitations for most women. Society sets us up to feel we need approval and often women doing the same things as men in business get reprimanded while the men get praised. (For example, there have been studies that showed males being assertive in a business context were deemed successful. Women being assertive were deemed pushy and unlikeable.) So, this one will take some courage. You have to become committed to your dreams to the point where you can let go of needing approval. The good news? Once you do that you’ll find there are wonderful people who do support you and best of all, you’ll be living the life of your dreams.
- Re-define failure. Stop seeing failure as the end of the world and start seeing it as a learning opportunity. You’ll be amazed at how this shift can remove limitations that you thought were unmovable in the past.
There is no limitation that can hold you down once you’ve got the right mindset.
You deserve your dreams, so break those walls and go get them!
